I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
