I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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