I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
