I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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