Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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