found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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