So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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