Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
