What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
