i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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