I accidentally had phone sex last night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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