He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
