I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My dick has a subreddit
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
