you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
