i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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