either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
