I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
