ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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