Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
