I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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