you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
