I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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