i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
