you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
