I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
