I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
