hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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