literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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