Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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