so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize