i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
