God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
