You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
