I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
