Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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