she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
