I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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