I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
