it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
