i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i'm inner monologue high
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
