I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
