my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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