You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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