the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize