she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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