Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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