we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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