We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
