3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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