I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
