gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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