ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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