Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if only i could text you this smell
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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