Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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