The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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