Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
