There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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