I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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