you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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