wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So much Jack, so little girl.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
