woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
