i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
