I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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