I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
