In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
