babies were throwing up all over the place
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
