why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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