If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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