just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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