i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
