I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
