Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
