worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
